Okay, so this has been bugging me for awhile, and although I have talked about a lot of my various problems in different areas of the forum, there is something that has really been bugging me.

I do not believe that I am schizophrenic, but I do show many symptoms of Schizoaffective disorder, from what I have read, and also very much so Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Of course, I take that as no sort of diagnosis, and know I should address a doctor for a proper diagnosis. Now, my main question revolves around whether or not if you realize something is a delusion, is it no longer a delusion?

I am 17 and about to be 18 in a few months, and ever since I was about 4 years old, I have always had an “obsession” of some sort. I have an overactive imagination, and have pretended I was certain characters, so on, so forth. Typical child’s play. However, I have always taken things a little to the extreme. In most ordeals, I think the things from my obsessions are real.

The most notable thing I can mention is when I see something that is even remotely ironic to my obsession in even the smallest of ways, I will think that it is a “sign” that is meant for me, if that makes any sense. I often think that it is especially a sign that they are in another dimension are going to somehow merge with ours soon, or I in theirs. The thing is though, I utterly BELIEVE that. I also think that they are trying to communicate with me telepathically. I have been like that ever since I was about 4, always thinking that things were happening and things were coming to life. My parents thought, obviously, that it was normal, being an imaginative young child, and granted, maybe I was. But even when I was a kid, I always never differentiated fantasy from real life. But it’s like I never grew out of it, in a sense.


My therapist said she thinks it is a makeup for lack of social outlets, but the thing is, I have had social outlets. Many times. Aside from my severe social anxiety, which is probably caused by my fantasy worlds in the first place which disables me to feel comfortable around real people, I think this is probably a primary factor in to why I don’t want to be around people. And each time I do hang around people, I realized how pointless it was to be around them because they were not going to benefit me and whatever my fantasy world is at the time, and are simply going to hinder me and the equilibrium of leaving this dimension or them coming to mine. I even have memories where these characters were there instead of them.

Another thing is my dreams. Oh, if I dream about something from an obsession, you can bet I am going to wake up in the morning and flip out about it. I think those are the biggest signs of all, and often think that it all actually happened and that I traveled to their dimension and did whatever it is I did there with them.

I should also note that when I am walking around doing whatever daily business I'm doing, I don't imagine myself as me. I imagine myself as a character, usually, and when i am in this mood, I will talk or act or dress like them, although I do not do anything too drastic to attract attention, aside from when I'm at home, where I probably would be considered an extreme nut if I were to act like that in public.

Now, I realize at the end of the day that these thoughts are absolutely absurd, despite the fact that deep down I still believe them. I have told no one this, and am not sure how to. I have tried to talk to my mom about it, but she just gets severely angry with me, and tells me I just have anxiety and that I am trying to make myself “crazy”. She doesn’t understand that I have been living through this since I was 4, and I honestly don’t want to tell her. She would think I was absolutely insane; or even worse, take my obsessions away

My question is, finally, since I am here typing this, does this make my “delusions” no longer delusions? Or were these even delusions in the first place? Is it really just an overactive imagination that is affecting my life this much? I quite literally have no desire to function in the real world other than the utter necessities, which does not include socialization. I don’t really want to change that, either, but I’m just saying.

Any opinions or personal experiences with delusions or anything else is greatly appreciated!