Finally made appt with a T. Talked to her over the phone and she sounds right for me. Have been trying to keep my expectations low but am still afraid that therapy won't help. today, for the first time in a long time, I was not miserable. That scares me. Funny that as my spirits are rising, my body is failing. Have had a slight headache for 3 days and I never get headaches. Also had an aha moment.. part of my problem stemmed from the fact that I am very passive and am easily discouraged when barriers appear and don't always try very hard to break them down. or think outside of the box, and I paid a high price for that. I need to change and adopt a where there's a will there's a way attitude towards healing. something I never had before. Hope I can do it and hope that it will help...

and hearing about the passing of Donna Summer..gosh..she wasn't that old. So sad. It stirred up thoughts about my own mortality. I am not that young and I don't want to waste any more of my life being miserable..