I totally understand this. I have forgiven all my abusers, but my Mother is just one I cannot get over. I am so mad at her, if she would have been there protecting me like a mother is supposed to I wouldn't be here, in this prison of issues. She hated me, and now I feel like I hate her. I am not a hateful person at all. but I just want her to feel this pain that she caused by not being there to take care of me...........so yes I do understand....

That being said, sometimes it can help to write it all out. As if you were face to face with her. Holding nothing back! Including the bad things you see happening to her. Sometimes just getting it out of our heads and down on paper can help.......I'm sorry your suffering so much with this and I hope this will help.......