I've be cut-free for about 3 months. It hasn't been easy at all. I think about doing it almost every day. Maybe that's because I think about my ex almost every day. She's a lot of my problem, I think. Anyways, sometimes I think it's not a good thing to do, yet other times I think it's better than what I could be doing...like smashing things, hurting others, or just swallowing pills. I feel so proud when I do cut. It's just a huge struggle for me not to do it. The thing that keeps me from cutting is the fact that I don't want it to interfere with my treatment, as I know it does.

I just wonder if anyone else struggles with what it means to them. And does anyone else feel so proud when they do it? Am I alone in thinking that it's better that blowing up and wreaking havoc on things or people, no matter how distorted that kind of thinking is? I do feel so alone in all this.