i can totally relate. i've only ever dated 2 people and i married the second one. he's a really sweet guy and he treats me wonderfully. however, after about 3 years of marriage i wanted out. i almost felt like someone else had been in control of things until that point and that girl disappeared and left me with a huge mess! so i figured i was going to leave, but i also decided to try seeing a therapist first to figure out why i let this happen to me. well, after about 3 sessions i told my therapist i wanted to leave my husband and he convinced me to try couples therapy first. that was almost a year ago.

basically, i can't really trust anyone, which makes the whole successful relationship thing pretty much impossible because as soon as i start to feel really close and connected to the other person i want to run away and be alone again. i mean, they're only going to leave me at some point anyway, right?

at the very least, i would recommend that you see a therapist about this so that you don't continue replicating the same pattern in all your relationships. don't give up on this guy yet--he might well be a keeper

btw--my hubby and i are still together and we get along better now than we ever have. i still have an intense urge to run away, but i also realize that he's not doing anything to justify that urge and that makes it easier for me to stay.