I don't know how to respond to that. I'm his mother. This is not a rational thing. No one else will care the way I do. And I've trusted other people before, and they just don't care. That one case manager watched him starve himself and did nothing. The mhc promised me once when he was having a really hard time and was really paranoid about me that they would check on him every night and call me if he wasn't home or if there was a problem. They never went to his apartment at all. I didn't hear from them so I trusted things were going ok. Next I hear he's disappeared. The police won't even take a missing person report. I didn't know where he was for a week. Then he turns up in a hospital 750 miles away, having attempted suicide in another state.

Why should I trust someone else to care for him?

And when push comes to shove, they always call me anyway. They sit back and watch him deteriorate, then they call me to fix things. And it always ends up costing more than if it hadn't been allowed to go to hell in the first place. And it always leaves him with more trauma.

I don't know. It honestly makes me feel exhausted just thinking about going to meetings. It means making time for it. And it takes psychic energy. I seldom actually feel supported at support group meetings.

When I get tired, I forget how hard he's trying. It doesn't seem like he's doing anything, you know. Then he talks to me, and I can hear all the pain. I just want him to not hurt so much.

Maybe. I don't know. I'm just really tired right now. I'll think about it when I'm feeling perkier.