hey

i was in a situation once which was very like what u describe.

the first thing i want to tell u is to try see a doctor. (s)he will most likely give u drugs, and although i believe alternatives are better, at least the regular psych industry is regulated and a considerable body of research has been carried out probe the nature of available medication. sure, there are side effects, and some of them really suck, but the foremost priority should be to attain a state of relative order.

i have been "stable" for a long time, thank God, but am still quite paranoid, although the medication i'm on (zyprexa/olanzapine) enables me to function to a reasonable extent.

what i really want to tell you is that certain forms of paranoia are healthy, positive, and liberating while others are symptoms of disease. allow me to try to elucidate -

if a person is under the impression that his thoughts are being controlled by others, EVERYBODY hates her/him, or aliens exist, i would say that they exhibit definite psychotic tendencies.

if, on the other hand, they maintain that there are people today plotting to impose a global, totalitarian autocracy, i would congratulate him/her on the realisation of a grand truth.

this is not necessarily to say that such a person does not need psychiatric care, as (s)he may well have other false beliefs which meds and/or some form of counselling should help with.

when i lost touch with reality, i had begun to realise the true state of affairs in the world. unfortunately, however, i also thought i was Jesus (pbuh)!

just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

my advice regarding what i deem to be justifiable suspicions is to mention them to your dr, but do not persist - it is quite unlikely that sympathy will be forthcoming.

please feel free to contact me re this, and may you have a peaceful time, now and always.

james d