(((Purple)))),

What you are discribing here is VERY COMMON with people who DID suffer childhood abuse. And the reason that happens is that you have to remember that CHILDREN DO NOT KNOW WHAT ABUSE MEANS THERE IS SO MUCH THEY DO "NOT" know.

Often many even stress because they also remember that they even participated in the abuse. BUT IT IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOW AN ADULT AND KNOW WAY MORE THAN THAT CHILD EVER DID THAT YOU WERE. Part of the reason WHY children DO survive abuse is BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER.
AND, children develope ways to self sooth inspite of feeling threatened, unsafe, abused and neglected.

Part of the reason why you feel that it could have never happened and question how you could survive is because YOU KNOW MORE AND YOU ALSO SEE CHILDREN AS TRUELY HELPLESS IN SO MANY WAYS. But you didn't have that as a child so as a child you didn't even KNOW WHAT THE WORD ABUSE MEANT, NOT EVEN WHAT MOLESTING MEANT. And YES you were even probably taught that something felt good too. And often that is WHERE TONS OF GUILT COMES FROM TOO, But children DON'T REALLY KNOW ALL THIS, THEY REALLY DONT. Even if a child continues to do this up to their teens. Think about it, they had already been doing it so they really DON'T SEE IT for what it really is, NOT EVEN IN THE TEENS.

And the other thing you have to realize too Purple, when you look back and remember, it is even worse sometimes because NOW THAT WE KNOW WHAT IT IS, it is even MORE upsetting.

This is why you are saying I CANNOT SEE IT AS A CHILD, ONLY AS AN ADULT.

Purple in my own FLASHBACKS, BODY MEMORIES, AND TRACKS OF EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS FROM MY CHILDHOOD, "I DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT EITHER". And the other things I have been reliving? Is I didn't realize how truely stressed and upset and tramatized I was from some things that now I don't see as that tramatic, BUT, I was a child and HAD NO REAL COPING SKILLS OR KNOWLEGE OF WHAT COPING SKILLS EVEN WERE. Children do strange things to compensate for LACK.

No matter WHAT comes forward IT USUSALLY IS TRUE as children do not make things up either. Just put it out on the table in therapy, don't worry or deni yourself.

Also remember that if you were abused by other children THEY ALWAYS DENI AND SAY YOU ARE LYING BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT CHILDREN DO.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes