Drinking for any reason when you have had issues with drinking is a problem....to deny that is just plain being in denial. Better to stand up & understand why you are feeling like a punching bag than hiding in the beer.

Glad because that would make things worse for everyone including your kids.

We can always make choices no matter how bad things are....not making choices only makes life worse. We can't make choices when we don't participate in the marriage.......it's only going to be wife's side when you go drink beer instead of participate in the choices that need to be made.....someone has to make choices....if you don't, your wife will. When you go drink beer rather than be part of the choice making process in your marriage....you end up leaving it to your wife to make the choices.....you are making the choice to not make choices....no one is stopping you except for yourself & possibly because you have already put yourself into a place where your wife doesn't TRUST your choices.

What in the world is a 16 year old doing out most of the weekend? Yes, thankfully she didn't test positive for drugs.....but if you keep up this kind of parenting....who knows what the future will hold?

What are you clashing about....the kids, your marriage, your drinking.........or...........?

There is a difference beween being bad & making bad choices......I would say you have made some huge bad choices in your life in the way you have chosen to handle the situations you have found yourself in. Rather than standing up & dealing with them, it sounds like you hid in your drinking. I would imagine it would hard for any wife to start trusting the values or respecting someone who has made those kinds of bad choices in life & who has chosen to hide in alcohol when things got difficult rather than take part in the handling of the situations.....including any fights in the marriage.....resolve not hide is the only thing that makes a marriage work.

If you want them to change the way they treat you, then you have to change the way you act. Respect is earned by acting in a responsible way in every day life & when difficulties come along. When we see parents acting in a childish way & not taking on the responsibilities of their position as parents....it's impossible to have respect for them.....& that's not respect given in fear I'm referring to. When we see parents avoid acting responsible when tough things hit them (I don't mean going out & going to work every day) but mean truly handling the real difficult situations that come up in life or in their marriage.....from relationship issues to death's in the family to debt issues or anything else that might hit a family......it's impossible to feel that real respect for them.....especially if we see them going off & drinking in their man cave rather than working together with wife to resolve the problems. Our kids see every little thing we think they won't notice....& it's those things that make them respect us of NOT.

I'm guessing, but if were ONLY a hand full of times, your life wouldn't be as messed up as it is now.....there's probably a lot more going on than those hand full of times you seem to be aware of.

When we finally notice all that has been falling apart for so long, it does feel that way....but now you are being forced to deal with things & make choices you have been avoiding in the past........that's why it all feels so crushing now.

It was your turning to drinking in the first place rather than dealing with the problems you had that is the problem.....If you had been able to handle the problems rather than turn to drinking......so you are right....it's not your drinking but your inability to handle the problems that caused you to turn to drinking that is the real problem.....the drinking only compounded your problem & added the drinking problem on top of the problem you already had with dealing with things.

I'm sorry but the values that we give to our children & the values that we show them from the way we live our own lives are the values they start off with. If we allow them to hang around the wrong kind of kids......that peer pressure when the values at home are non-existent, or there is a lack of respect for the parents because of their behavior.....than that wrong peer pressure is going to have the control over the kids because that's where they find their acceptance. It all comes back to the strength of the family whether you want to accept it or not. When our children get the love, good attention, & acceptance they need from their family, they don't have to go looking for it from outside. There is a failure in your family unit or your daughter/daughters would not be acting in the way they are acting!!!!

Only time that kids end up running the house is when the parents aren't in control of running it themselves the way they responsibly need to. When parents allow kids to run the house which is the only way that kids could ever get that chance was if the parents weren't running it themselves......this is exactly the bad situation that happens. When parents aren't the responsible parents that the kids desperately need, this is the mess that happens.

Not sure what book you are doing your parenting by.....but it's not a book of success.....I would definitely try a different book that also helps you learn how to be the leader of your family while treating your wife & children with love & respect. These things are just pointing out that there is a serious problem with your family life....not just with your children. It's the family life that gives our kids the love & security that they desperately need otherwise they seek acceptance from their peers & outside people who will destroy them.

Problem is that if your family environment had been what your daughters needed to feel good about herself....& also the same for your other daughter even though she may not be where your youngest one is yet.......you would have been doing what you needed to do & wouldn't have to have no life now & do what you are told....it's obvious that you weren't doing it right or they wouldn't be telling you now what to do.

Like I said before, it's not your drinking but the fact that your drinking was your bad way of dealing with the issues that caused you problems in your life rather than dealing with them & resolving them, you went to drinking.......your drinking is only the sign of your inability to deal with problems......which does make the drinking a problem because that's where you hide away from the responsibility of dealing with the difficult things in life. Working, paying the bills, house work, lawn work......those aren't the difficult things in life.....relationships & dealing with difficult problems are what we don't want to deal with & those are the things we use drinking to hide from. Drinking was a poor choice in dealing with the problems that came up in your life (difficulties in your marriage, I'm sure)

I'm guessing that before that when there was something you didn't like, you just headed off for your man cave & your alcohol & probably your work the rest of the time.....you life was revolving around nothing but you....which is why it also ends up in the situation you are in now.....because when we don't MAKE our life rotate around everyone involved in it........there is a problem......it sounds like since you have a problem doing this, that is also why you are having the marriage problems you are having. We live a very selfish life when we live with everything rotating around us & not everyone else we need to live & interface with.

If you had been telling yourself the healthy things to do for your family life all along, you wouldn't have to be doing what others are finally having to tell you what to do. It's never a good feeling to find out that what we have been doing isn't working for our family & taking the responsibility that the actions we have done aren't in the best interest of our family.....it's never a love boat to realize that we can't just go on the way we've been going for all these years.

Life is never easy....learning how to deal with it rather than escaping into drinking is not easy which is why human nature usually takes the easy way out.....just hide out in the garage & drink rather than take on the responsibility to deal with the problem issues that need to be handled.

No one ever said that life was easy, or nice.....but the more we hide from the responsibilities we need to embrace & deal with....the worse life will get until we come to the realization & get the help we need to learn how to deal. Your lack of dealing with things I'm sure goes way back to what you learned (or didn't learn) growing up. Problem is....if we don't learn it then (for whatever reason) we have to learn it some time if we ever truly want to be happy with our life & make the life happy for our children so they don't continue the same lack of abilities that our parents gave to us. We have to stop the cycle at some point.....best when we are the one stopping it.