I have been waiting to share this with you guys...now the time is right for me to tell you what is going on at my house.

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my
house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got
in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she
wasn't there, and the next day she was!
She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the
most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her.
And,whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she
is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face
and body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she
just screams back. The least she could do is offer to pay part of the
rent, but no.
Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket,
or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly
enough. I don't
want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from
me.I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all
gone! I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude
the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some
of that money to buy wrinkle cream.
And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to
disappear at an alarming rate--especially the good stuff like ice
cream,
cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd
better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I
suspect
she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering
with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.
For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty
games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my
clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so
I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am
extremely neat and organized.
She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my
mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I
can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the
volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are
mumbles and whispers.
She has done other things--like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum
heavier and all the knob and faucets harder to turn. She even made my
bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.
Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them
away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me
to open the jars.
She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try
something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and
monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those
outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong.
She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's
license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front
of me!
Watch out...she might be at your house next! I sure wish she'd leave
mine!