Quote:
Originally Posted by ebatts
Absent-mindedness and bouts of procrastination have controlled my life since the age of eight. In elementary school, I had my own desk in the school counselor’s office, and I was there everyday during what was usually nap time for everyone else. She made me keep a “good behavior scorecard,” on which smiley face or star stickers were placed to rank my behavior in several areas for each day. No stickers for an item meant bad behavior, and improvement was needed. The counselor finally told my mom to take me to a psychiatrist for further evaluation. When my psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADD, my mom breathed a sigh of relief, but I spent the next 13 years (and counting) on medication after medication. You name it, I’ve probably been on it. I was on Concerta for eight years before it finally lost its effect when I was 18. We tried visiting previous medications: Ritalin, Adderall, Concerta (stronger dose), Welbutrin, Vyvanse, Focalin, Intuniv, Strattera. I’m back on Adderall now, but it doesn’t seem to be working anymore.
Being an adult with ADD isn’t easy at all. Even with medication I have trouble concentrating at work and listening to others when they are talking to me. I’ve had trouble finding a career path to follow because I lose interest in it after a few days. I also misplace things all the time: car keys, pens, my glasses. My bookshelf is lined with novels I’ve never finished reading. Under my bed are several spiral-bound and marble notebooks that are blank after the first few pages. Last November I decided I was going to do NaNoWriMo; I began my novel but didn’t get past the first two pages. As an artist, I’ve struggled with projects. I have folders on my laptop of unfinished artwork, and there are paintings that sit partially completed in my attic. I often attempt to multitask but get sidetracked on something else entirely.
I also suffer from depression, which I feel is a product of my ADD. A feeling of inadequacy fills me from head to toe whenever I realized I haven’t finished something. I set goals for myself and become discouraged when I do not reach them, or have to change my goal because it is too far out of reach. When I think about how many times I’ve changed my goals, I begin to feel as though I am incapable of success. I also have a hard time with failure, so I feel as though I’m stuck between these two emotions eternally. I become sad and sometimes jealous when I see someone else achieving my goals. I feel as though one day everyone I know will be college graduates with the careers they wanted, and I will still be changing my career path every two weeks.
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I was dx at age 47, its sure not a happy life for me dealing with this, I take Ritalin right now, will start Adderall if, if, drug insurance will do an exception as if they are Gods.
None of the designer anti depressants worked for me Celexa, Paxil, Zoloft etc, Remeron helps with my anger that comes with not being able to focus and for sleep.
When someone is talking to me after 10 seconds or so I just nod my head or ask them to repeat what they said.
I lose everything, all my important stuff, bills, meds need to be right in front of me at the kitchen table.
I cannot read books like I used to, I've just about given up on trying to sort things in my rooms, it all gets messed up over & over again so why should I do it.
Nobody in my family understands what I am going thru, they constantly bother me when I am trying to do something, I really want to say "shut up and leave me alone" that's sad, but that's how I feel
My rooms are a mess, I'd swear if I could move my refrig I'd lose that too
