Oh, Lordy, and I thought I was the only one who did this when first diagnosed....... This makes me feel so much better!! I've gotten to the point where I think I need to take a vacation from all this research. The novelty wore off after about five minutes, but it's taking longer to process the reality that I really do have this thing. A mental illness. I also have issues with the fact that it's a forever deal, just like my alcoholism that's been in remission for 20 years and four months, but is still as present as it ever was.....one sip of ETOH and it's all over.

The other thing that staggers my imagination is knowing I'll never be able to unring the bell---I can't go back and unlearn what I've discovered about myself. I can't remove the diagnosis from my medical records, either, and that could make renewing my nursing license a little dicey, even though I've never been a danger to my patients. So yes, I've gone overboard too in researching BP, finding out how people cope, what drugs do what and their ASEs, etc. I guess I'd rather know too much than not enough......I'm a reasonably intelligent human being who had NO idea whatsoever that I was losing my freaking mind. I just thought it was an overamped version of my usual moodiness.