LOL.....at my age, I would more likely be your mother......which honestly this is what I would say to my own daughter if she were struggling with the things you are struggling with. I have learned with my own life that every little thing we do effects others & usually NOT in a good way. We have to take responsibility for OUR actions.....yes, your wife has to take responsibility for her actions also......but I don't know what they are......I can only go with what you say & the words you express & deal with them.......& those are the things that you need to deal with.

If your wife is telling you the same thing......or the outside counselors are telling you similar things.....then maybe it's time you listen rather than continue to be in denial that any of your actions have anything to do with the situation you are in.

I have found that usually when we are sitting in the middle of a mess, we are usually the one that has caused it......there are times when this isn't true, but most times I have found this holds true & we have to pick ourselves up & make the necessary changes to fix the problem. I never gave up on my marriage until I realized that there were changes that were being refused to happen & were key to having the marriage end up successful.....& should have been there from the beginning for it to be successful.....but would have been satisfied for them to finally end up changing for the good.....when that was impossible....that was when I knew it was over.

If you wife feels that you continually are in denial that the drinking....or more like the reason for your drinking isn't a serious part of why things are falling apart all around you both.....then I can understand her feelings......I am sure that there are things that she has done or hasn't done that are also key to the lack of success in your marriage.....it's not all you......it never is....just like my failed marriage isn't all my husband's fault......there are things that I could have done differently....but the dynamics of the relationship made it difficult for those things to have happened......the bottom line however come down to the denial on both parts & the unwillingness to accept the responsibility to make the necessary changes.