Youre right open, and so incredibly strong to be so honest and open. You have come a long way from what you went through. I cant admit to some of my past because im not yet that strong. Denial comes so easily, its admitting that seems to give me trouble. There are some things that have come up that i convince myself it had to be a dream. Some if it i was convinced was a dream, only to have someone tell me it actually did happen. Like when i was two i remember being in the car with my brothers, my mom was in the store, my brother got in her seat (he was 5) and the car started to roll, it rolled out into the street and paszing cars slammedon their brakes and were blowing the horn. My other brother thought he had the same dream, only to later find out it wasnt a dream, its what actually happened. Other things much more extreme happened but i convinced myself they were dreams, its easier to think they were just dreams. I remember being in the crib too, the crib shoved in the closet and a rat got into the crib. I wish i could convince myself that was a dream but mom verified that memory telling me she used to find rat poo in my crib when my room was the closet. I alzo remember dad on top of mom with sissors on her neck, he was raaging and my brothers and myself were standing at the door screaming and yelling. That dream was verified by mom too... i dont mention to her or anyone the dreams that ft were truly nightmares, id rather they just stay dreams for now...

I wl write a much better response when i get to work tomorrow. My phone isnt the easiest to work wi th. I wish so much that they were dreams. The day i had my first blackout, i was convinced through my whole childhood it had to be a dream. No way could someone do that to their child and laugh about it. No way someone could be so cruel. I miss the days i could convince myself it was all a lie. That everything was ok. I miss the ignoraance, when something bad would happen i could easily find n excuse why it wasnt so bax. I dont miss being a child but i do miss not knowing, it was much easier thinking thats just the way life is, its h