Aw, hankster, you crack me up! And you can hijack ANY day.

Yeah, you're right. Newsflash! Ha ha!

See, I asked him for a hug during our third session or so back in February. I actually ended up sobbing into his shoulder, and when I tried to pull away for fear of overstaying my welcome he grabbed me tighter and started crying himself.

Every since then he gives me a hug goodbye.

A few sessions ago we were talking about my father's physical abuse (just a few times of abuse, but boy howdy!) . . . anyway . . . I told T that sometimes I was afraid of him physically. He gave me a questioning look so I clarified further -- "Not sexually. I'm not afraid of you sexually. But physically I have little moments of fear of abuse from you." He said, "Not sexually? Huh." And there are a million reasons he could have said that -- but likely the reason is that I've had much, much more CSA and SA than physical abuse in my life.

So I've been thinking about that one for a while now. Why not sexually fearful of T? And I think it's for two reasons (that I know of anyway). One, he has made it very, very, very, very clear that he would never respond to me in a sexual way -- and that makes me feel much safer knowing that. But two, if he ever did respond to me in a sexual way I don't think I'd be afraid. *wink* Sure, it would ruin therapy and eff with my head and, and, and . . . but I wouldn't be afraid.