Not exactly. You were forced to do it so you are a victim. What I am saying is that your head may be confusing the two. You were forced so you can also identify with what the other victim in the situation as in what your abuser did to you and what you had to do to the thild. Maybe by writing from both points of view it will clear up whatever it is that keeps you coming back to that situation. You say you have had therapy and so on from the fact that you were forced but you keep coming back to the fact that you did this. and it upsets you that you did this. There is a name for that feeling of being upset when a person does done thing wrong. its called remorse, feeling guilty. you have had therapy about being forced but something is stopping you from undertanding it wasn't your fault. For some reason that guilty feeling keep rearing its head. maybe if you work on that side of things and write from that point of view you will finally be able to make the connection not only the logical side but also from the feelings side of things that it wasn't your fault. maybe then you will be able to finally move on from that situation.

Just throwing things out here for you to try.