*hugs* You'll be fine. If you have come this far, you can do anything!! I second pretty much everything Costello said. I've been fighting the same thoughts... Which is what lead me to applying for counselling services from the grad students at a nearby college. And what had me staring at a crisis number multiple times over the past few weeks. I know my stress can't be compared to yours; that would be a huge understatement of your struggle. But often... Covering up your vulnerability only serves to weaken you. Much like you see in NPD: They only put up a facade to shield themselves from their true problems.

If you need to, you can private message me whenever. We seem to have a lot of coping mechanisms & thought processes in common. Maybe I can help you put yourself back on track? Not as charity, but who knows if helping you won't somehow trigger something positive in myself??