My therapist and I made a deal early on. I could text or email any time I needed to, as long as it didn't get excessive, and as long as I didn't expect a response.

It's really worked out well. There have been times I've sent long emails or texts, just pouring out my pain. During that time, I was seeing her two-three times a week, so we would talk about it next session.

What's been really interesting is that there have been times - especially if I am in pain because of a rupture, that she has contacted me. She rarely writes back. She calls. She calls if I sound despondent to her - or if there's something about what I've said that speaks "crisis" to her. And she has called when I've gone off the deep end over some kind of negative transference thingy where I've become convinced that she hates me.

It's always her call.. I have NEVER allowed myself to 'expect' a response - but for the most part, she has always had good instincts about when she really should call.

There's something about texting/emailing that stabilized me when I was a mess. It was like symbolically "touching" her or something. Even without a response, after "touching" her, I could then gather my courage and figure out how to manage.

And as for being afraid of her calling - - there was one time in particular that I sent her a long text wherein I was ready to just quit therapy because I misunderstood something and it triggered me big time. I was totally freaked out. I was so wounded, I was never going to speak to her again. Then the phone rang, and I nearly fainted when I saw her number pop up. I was NOT going to talk to her! It rolled over, and after a few minutes, she called again. And then again. Somewhere in there, when I picked up the phone to see if it was her, I accidentally "answered" it. I had been crying a bucket of tears.. so I had no intention of talking, but I felt awkward about just hanging up on her. She said my name a few times. I didn't make a sound. But her voice sounded good. then she started talking. She had no way of knowing what was going on, but she just kept talking. she tried to get me to respond, but I didn't. I just listened. She just kept reassuring me, telling me that she wasn't sure what happened, but that she really hoped I would show up that day for my appointment, and that we would work it out together. She must have talked for 15 minutes. Before she hung up, she told me she thought she had said all she could say and would need to go ahead and hang up, but she would be there waiting for me at 4, and she hoped I would be there so we could work it out together.

I did show up.. and the whole thing really had been driven by my damaged self-concept - damaged by my childhood environment. I'm so glad my therapist hung in there with me and was willing to put herself out on a limb for me.