If you want to work it out, jaypop, it sounds like there is an opening there. She wants to work it out too. I think it would be absolutely GREAT if you laid down a boundary on this. You could say you can't tolerate being distrusted like this and the only way to work that out would be for the two of you to go to marriage counseling with a neutral therapist. If she really wants to work it out, which includes learning to trust, then she would have to say yes to counseling if you stand firm. If she says no, then she would know that means divorce. I know that sounds kind of black and white but maybe it would jar her into accepting the counseling. To me, someone who says they want to work it out and then says no to counseling is not being sincere--you could mention that to her too and see what she says. GOOD LUCK!!