I get you, I don't know what they're thinking either. My longtime T, for like 15 years, told me when my dad died, that if you've already grieved the r/s in therapy, then their actual death might not hit you that hard. And she said I had been working on my family r/s for a long time, so... You might be in the same position now. You haven't been waiting for zero-hour to arrive to think about these things. We've been here all our lives.