This level of hatred towards a family member truly needs to be worked out with a professional. There is, I feel, no other way. I understand the anger and hatred because I've felt that toward my father. I feel a large part of who I am as a female is because I did not have a strong male role model growing up and I had a lot of mixed experiences with men up until now (I am 33). I have seen random men as ...gosh this is harder than I thought it would be to post ... but sometimes even in the arms of some random guy that meant maybe nothing to me, I would feel that connection I was missing, simply because of the gender. I both fear and respect men because I understand my vulnerability.

Please see someone about this. I've let my anger go destructive in the past and I needed professional help and classes that were mandatory for me as a result. You'll feel so much better if you get it out to someone who can help you cope. I wish you well. Hugs!!