SI was a coping behaviour I picked up, while in hospital. I only did this when I was on Zoloft and Paxil. At the time, I was a vulnerable, hurting, angry and alienated teenage woman who wanted someone to understand me. I also had major issues with anger. SI, although maladaptive, seemed more socially acceptable (at least in the psych. world) than putting holes in walls. It was more discrete and did not involve being sent to the quiet room or getting an injection.

SI did not really help me. Actually, it alienated me, even more. After a few years of confusion and despair, I decided I had enough and walked away from the pills, the hospital and the psychiatrists. They were killing me. In order to survive, I had to reclaim my life. Quitting SI was one way, I accomplished this.

The urge to SI has resurfaced but only when I feel intense anger (at psychiatry for misdiagnosis). It bothers me, when I get the urge but I think once I work through my anger, these urges will disappear.

14 years have passed without any SI. I never ever give in, no matter how livid and distressed I feel.

No matter how strong the urge, talk with someone or do something to distract your mind. It gets better.