I didn't mean to yell. If I sounded impatient (hope I didn't), it's probably because I feel like I'm chasing my tail trying to answer the question 'why' for my son - and for sz in general. Sometimes it seems like you can google 'schizophrenia and ______' (fill in the blank with anything), and you'll find someone saying there's a connection. I'm exaggerating a bit, but I haven't found an answer yet, and I've looked long and hard.

Then I see people dx w/sz beating themselves up, wondering if they caused their own problems - ususally with drugs. I want to shake them and say, "Cut it out! It doesn't matter how you got here. Just move on!" Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe if you know how or why, it can help you know what to do about it. Or maybe knowing will just give you some relief, free you from blame. Who knows.

I was looking for something yesterday (notes I'd made about the Radical Acceptance part of DBT, for you, fish) when I ran across an essay written by Pat Deegan. It was written when she was 38 years old and addressed to herself as a 17 year old just entering the mental health system. I'd printed it off from a website somewhere and never read it. I read it aloud to my son - and couldn't keep myself from crying at several points. He actually listened to the whole thing - and even asked a couple of questions - which is weird because normally he hates that kind of thing.

Anyway Pat Deegan always talks about "getting a life for myself." "How do I get a life for myself in all this?" Her basic message for that 17 year old girl she once was is that it's possible to have a whole life and a psychiatric disability. And she does use the phrase "psychiatric disability." Dr. Deegan is a successful professional who has a sz dx. She uses medication to manage her symptoms. (She's very clear that she 'uses' meds, not 'takes' them. They're a tool, one among many.)

I guess that's what I'm trying to say - don't "Why am I here?" but "Where do I want to go and how do I get there?"