Dear Missbelle, I'm confused? he has to take responsibility for himself? It's true, but no one would say that to someone coping with depression. That sounds like the advice given to the parents of addicts. Is he an addict or mentally ill? I've been thru exactly what he's going thru. He is a mentally ill young man who has resorted to self-medication who needs his family now more than ever. This is not the time to issue him ultimatums or threaten to throw him out if he doesn't stop doing whatever. The drinking is the more serious problem by far. You need to find a very good psychiatrist and have him treated for his depression and anxiety, not send him to AA / go to Al-Anon. These are two very different courses of treatment. He shouldn't. Be punished for having a mental illness. The pot just needs to be replaced with a better anti-anxiety medication like Xanax. The drinking is far more harmful.