a few hours ago i had an argument/confrontation/discussion with my father about how i felt about him and the fact he isn't in counseling and how sick i was of all the secrets.

he tells me he doesn't need counseling anymore because the wounds have been healed and he doesn't need to keep picking at the sore. he tells me how he's a victim because he has lost everything, his wife, son, daughter, and grandchildren and now all he has is church family. he tells me of how he has been changed by God and how he wants to do God's work and help others (ironically, by being a counselor through the church).

nobody in his church knows about how he sexually abused me for years. yet he claims he is "transparent" to others. how can he claim to be set free from the past if he keeps such secrets from the church? he said he paid the price already and shouldn't have to keep reliving the pain over and over again. he said if he tells the church, then he will have nothing and no one. it sounds contradictory to me. i don't know what God thinks, but i think he needs extensive counseling.

i told him i tell my close friends about my past and he asked how i could i do that to him!!! he said he is a changed man and that i shouldn't be telling people about the old him because that changes their perception of how they see him before they even meet him.

he eluded to his only option was moving out of my life. i live over 1500 miles away from him, so how does he move out of my life? he is really manipulative and somehow suckered me into "taking care" of his needs again. i'm not responsible for his feelings but i found myself saying things to him to "reassure him." gee, i need extensive counseling, thanks dad.

this is making me sick to my stomach.... it's time for bed... i've got another week left visiting this pedophile and my mom. not fun, but very educational. i am not responsible for him or his feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!