yea. sucky story. but i smoked it and i got so paranoid i thought the people spiked it, and my drink, and my food with poison and were going to kill me. actually i flipped out pretty pretty bad. these were people that went to my school.

i do feel like some of me being this way is my fault...because..not at this age but when i was a teen i was desperate for friends. i was so lonely and i just wanted someone to spend time with me. it got to where i was just wanting ANYONE to even sit with me at lunch. i would bribe people with food and money to sit with me at lunch. otherwise i usually sat on the spiral steps or behind the building. it was hard because i was scared of people. which is why i sat behind the building.. but. anyway.
i hit a low when my parents divorced and decided that i was going to try and make friends any way i could so i started smoking pot. i heard voices before and felt paranoid but it was so mild. from that bad trip on it was like full..just full bad..i developed some depersonalization issues too where i would mentally black out like i felt when i was high. never gone away.

but yea i just think it was my fault a bit cause i was such a desperate and lonely teenager. very very alone to the point of suicide twice.


wow. no need. im not worth it. but thank you i appreciate it.