Thank you all for your input. It means a lot to me that you all would take time out of your day to help me through this.
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Originally Posted by Roadie
But no where have you mentioned any medical work up. How violent was the rape? Was there physical trauma? Has a gynecologist examined you, fully aware of what happened? How about. A full work up profiling the skin/hair problems?
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When my mom found out about the rape, she had me go in for a full eval. It wasn't a very violent rape. Just a "friend" who kept pressuring me and wouldn't let me leave the room til I gave in ..his cousin and a friend were guarding the door from the outside. So like I said it wasn't a typical rape, but that was not how I was wanting to lose my virginity.
I honestly don't think that has much of a bearing on my current problem. I've gone through a lot of stuff in my life and I've become a pro at the whole forgive and forget thing. And while I never really forgive people for what they have done I don't dwell on the past. I would be a wreck if I did! The way I see it is whats done in the past is done in the past, there is no way to change it, so all I can do is move forward. I don't know if it is something I've trained myself to do or if it just comes naturally, but I am good at literally forgetting about stuff that happens to me. The most traumatic moments of my life will never be fully forgotten but the longer the times go by the less and less I think about it/ remember the details.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suki22
you only truly get the sex thing is with someone you connect with, can spend a lot of time with and be open about sex.
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Suki, I know, but it has led to a very lonely life for me. I've technically only had 2 boyfriends and neither of them were quite my style, but they were the only guys who have actually hit on me (outside of a bar). There are guys who have shown interest repeatedly at the bar I frequent. But I can't even let myself open up to them because I'm scared of what it may lead to. If they talk to me I usually try to end the conversation as soon as possible, drag someone else into it, or my defensive personality gets in the way and I insult them
This is a side note but I think part of my problem is the type of guy I'm attracted to.. I want myself a guy who is in a band or whose life is heavily influenced by music..especially rock/ heavy metal because it feels like that is the only thing I can relate to now-a-days..but it seems like every guy I'm attracted to is either 1)on drugs 2) a self centered a$$hole or 3) a combination of 1 and 2