Since March I have been very depressed. The stress just keep on piling on. My mom needs dangerous surgery #357893803 (OK not literally but just a lot), my grandpa isn't doing well, there are mice in the house, my art is shutting down places and I'm being kicked out because I'm not good enough. None of our businesses does anything and soon we will be on the street if dad retires with no money. All this while everything is great in the world. The economy is just fine. I have singlehandedly shut down 3 places and got kicked out of 3. That is the majority of the places I am in with my crappy starving art. No wonder why my only talent means I will live on the street begging for money. I have been hearing occasional voices telling me to cut myself and worse. I already took 10 Klonopin because of the stress even though I am not supposed to take more than 1. Everything's great except for me. I am hopeless about my so called "future" and feel like I am a burden all around me. My cute bird helps me because sometimes he gets depressed as well. How cute. I have been talking to my doctors. My parents talked to my psychiatrist to raise the WRONG pill. They want to increase the anti psychotic but I refuse. In fact my pills I discovered has cameras, tracking chips, and nanobots to release poison. I don't want to take them. The other pills are mostly fine. There is a frozen sun in danger. Well, it WILL freeze and I am scared its OUR sun if I don't do something about it. I am terrified of aliens. Demons. The government. Other creatures that are too weird to put on the Internet. Fear surrounds me. That is why I had to take so many. To be honest I wanted to take a LOT more but feared throwing up. That is one of my phobias. In the middle of nowhere everyone has to fear cows, mice, deer, more flies and other middle of nowhere creatures. There is also a cult out here. We are famous because of it... not us personally the town. I have self injured many times in recent weeks but too scared to tell anyone because they would put me into the hospital which I refuse treatment. I realize I am depressed but don't have an anti depressant. My pills have made me so fat that its unbelievable. I can't even move without feeling worn out and bending because my stomach is in the way is impossible. Before all the poison, I was thin and beautiful. Now I had to keep on going to larger sizes for clothes. My glasses are currently off but obviously my computer is on. As a realist I know everything that is real. I only know reality. Same with my beautiful grandpa. Both my parents have health problems and I fear that my grandpa will outlive my parents. Then I have no one. I can't live on my own. I am pathetic. Useless. Real to the extreme goes to mom, with me no proof and people have actually accused me of making everything up. I don't like my psychiatrist for that reason.