My damn depression is getting worse, today I fell right back into the hole. My partner "" has anixity too, so oh boy is this fun. We have been together for almost 5 years, I have had depression for over 10. And when things get rough, they get really rough for me to even give a **** anymore. But after she blew up at me today, I pretty much feel defeated. I really want to be here for her. But I can barley hold my head up right now. When she said I was making her crazy, it hurt me so bad. Yea, it was said out of anger, but she never blows up. Today she did.
We have to file bankruptcy we are broke and I have to file for disability. Its hard to fill out those papers when I feel like this. I may need to take a step back for now, just go lye down.
I can't work because I'm a nervous wreck, I don't feel I even belong on this earth anymore. But I'm a chicken **** and I can't even do myself in, I don't think I can even do that right.
I am so pissed at myself, tired of trying to be normal. I am not normal (what ever that is) and it is really bad when I can fool everyone but myself. People think I am ok, but I am not. I can't provide any money or happiness for anyone else right now, even for myself.