I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now 17. You remind me of what I was like as a teenager. I'm still kind of amazed I survived highschool. Your circumstances can get better but it takes a lot of work to make your attitude towards life better. Opening up is scary. I've been in therapy 10 years now and this year is the first year I've been willing to admit certain things to a T. I know it's hard to talk to parents. You never know how they will react. My parents still don't know that I ever attempted suicide (not to mention how many times). Have you ever called a crisis hotline. That helped me some, especially when I was younger. I'd sneak out of the house in the middle of the night sometimes. Even though I'd barely talked, it was nice to know someone was on the other end and for those few minutes I knew I'd be okay and safe from myself. Do you have anywhere you feel safe from yourself. I use to spend a lot of times in classrooms where I really respected the teacher and their space and wasn't willing to harm myself there. It's hard to find somewhere you feel safe from yourself.