I thank you two for replying,that does mean something to me. If I had time to type my story I would,just have to get up to early for work. I will say that I did give the anti depressants time to work but I still feel they did not work. Maybe because subconsciously I did not want or did not think they would work? Maybe idk. Will I say I was totally open and honest with my therapist? No I probably was not. But I can't just open up to somebody you know? The last one I had, I had for a year plenty of time to get to know her right? I would think so but I got the feeling she was only there cause it was her job. I would tell her how I feel and my problems and I would get from her is did you tell the doctor? Maybe the doctor will try you on someone else. Or I would get from her,everything will get better. And just giving me those responses all the time will prevent me from opening up. But I guess I will need to find a new one. Iam desperate for help. I hate feeling like this. I hate looking at myself. It like I just hate everything. Sometimes I say,gezz man just f****** end it how much longer can you hurt? I do believe my two daughters are the hope that I have that is keeping me alive,I think. Idk I will have to do something. I can't keep feeling like this. This can't be all there is to life. But I have to say,nothing,nothing is worse then coming home to a house that was bought for you and your fiancé to raise your kids,coming home everyday to nothing. Waking up everyday nothing. No friends. And I mean no friends. Work,my home and me that's it. I see my kids once every like 2 weeks that's it. It even makes me feel worse to know that I talk to myself more then anyone else because there is no one else