I think my depression is getting worse. I went out this morning and when I came home I just wanted to lay down. I couldn't do anything, it was like I was paralyzed. I laid on my bed and my son watched tv. When my older kids came home I told them I wasn't feeling well and needed their help. I have never had that happen I can usually pull off my mom jobs, although it feels like torture. I have also resorted to self harm I am not cutting but I have a way to ease my pain. I feel like I am going crazy, I cry all the time. I can't get help now, my Primary doctor has tried and I have called. They say the first appointment is july or august. I can't wait that long I have five kids, I also feel like I can't use emergency service bc I don't want to chance losing my kids. I am in such pain everyday is hell. I have also lost my appeite and hardly eat anything. I cant even enjoy a diet coke, which I always drank. I have no pleasure in anything, not tv, shopping, cooking, or drawing. I am dying and feel like I am getting close to ending my pain. My ex husband is coming in June, if I can hold on I can seek help elsewhere.