Hey PsychGirl,

I'm sorry to hear about all the distress you've been through in your life and the current difficulties you are facing. It can't be easy for you and it's caused you a lot of frustration. Thanks for sharing tho.

The number one thing I think you have to focus on here is your communication with each other. It has broken down and is getting worse and worse. Communication is so vital to any relationship. It will be difficult to salvage things on your own. You need a mediator of some sort - someone you both respect and trust who can hear your issues and then help you find a way to mend some of these problems. A marriage counselor would be ideal but if you don't have the money for that then maybe consult with a friend or anyone who can remain relatively unbiased.

The stuff he does - the zoning out, the depression, the retreating and seeming lack of emotion - I'll admit I've done that too. Things just reach a point sometimes in the heat of an argument where there seems to be no right way to respond to your angry wife/girlfriend. For me, that reaction is just trying to figure out how I feel about the situation and how it can be resolved and that results in a non-response. You're right, there are better ways a guy can respond like being supportive or sympathetic but at the same time he's feeling attacked so it makes it difficult. Arguments are never easy for either party.

It sounds to me like there is a good foundation for this relationship to work out. At this point, it's just going to take understanding each others needs and then working together to create a peaceful and happy environment for both of you. It can be done and it is worth it if you both are willing to put forth the effort. Also, I applaud you for trying so hard to keep control as you do have personal emotional issues that you aware of. Seeing a therapist is a great idea and might be something you want to put as a priority since your mental and emotional well-being are so critical to your daily happiness and your relationships.

Hang in there. Try to be understanding and ask for understanding in return. Try to hone your listening skills (very crucial for both of you) and try not to let things escalate - put out the fires before they get big by communicating. Hope this helps.