Thanks for the big safe hug, Calista+12. I really need hugs. I'm sorry to be so negative but my dad was a diabetic amputee and my mom has steel rods in her toes as bone replacements. I love my job and don't want to have to quit it and go on disability. And when I am not hurting so much I can sort of handle my mental stuff. But not now. And I hurt so much I wish I could cut my fingers off and leave them on the doorstep of pain management. My right hand is gradually improving and my left hand is gradually getting worse; it is swollen up around my joints. Hopeless.