I actually never liked it before. I think it's a mindset kind of thing. When I'm rushing through to get on to the next thing, it's just another tiring chore. You have to slow down and do it mindfully.

If I had something foisted on me to shut me up, I wouldn't care for it either.

Advancement wasn't high on my list of needs when I was a kid. Now that I'm well into middle age, it doesn't make the list at all.

Maybe 'career' is too lofty a word. I hesitated over it when I typed it this morning. But when I say I want to change jobs, people think I mean I want to find another librarian job. No. I don't. I loved my work for years, but now it bores me silly. I have 20 more years to retirement, and every day I come to work I feel like another tiny piece of my soul dies. It's intolerable, unsustainable. And when I look around and ask myself what I want to do, it isn't doctor, lawyer, or CEO. It's school bus driver or check out lady at the grocery store. I know those are very low paid, undervalued, no benefit kinds of jobs (which is why I'm still at my current job). I've been working on this one for years, though, and I have no idea what to do next. I just want a shorter commute, a shorter work day, and not to have to sit behind a freakin' desk all day.

You know what would be good? Chaplain at a jail - except I'm not particularly religious.

See? Twenty years from now I'll be retiring from this job still thinking about what I want to be when I grow up.

In my experience there's a risk of that with anything that you love and then make it your livelihood.

P.S. Oh, oh, oh! Librarian at a jail! That has possibilities. Except it would have to be a prison not a jail, and the closest prisons are at Lansing and Leavenworth. That's a longer commute not a shorter one. Boo! See! There's always a reason to eliminate any idea. It's beginning to look like I'm my own worst enemy?