Hi everyone!
I wonder if anyone could give me an advice. I'm a medical student.
I've been in a 2-year relationship with my boyfriend.
He was studying dentistry in my university and i had a big crush on him. I spent two moths looking at him everyday, and he kept looking at me, but we couldn't find the opportunity to talk. I found him on facebook,and added as a friend just to know him. Then we started to chat and after 2 weeks chating, he invited me to have a coffee. We went to a bar and started to talk. Everything was fine, he seemed a little strange, but also he seemed wonderful to me. We kept talking a lot. Than we went to a park and keep talking, and finally we realized it was 8.00 p.m and we had to go home. Than he gave me a sweet kiss and to tell the truth i enjoyed it, but also thought that it was a little early. So this was just like we started a relationship, and i felt like i had lost my mind. He seemed like a perfect man, keept calling every hour, we meet each- other everyday at university, went to the cinema, had lunch together, go out. But i realised that he had some problems, because he got upset for stupid things, felt empty sometimes and became very annoying sometimes with his enormous affection and every minute calls and messages. He wanted to spend all his time only with me,and this became boring. sometimes he made strange actions, and sexual actions toward others. he told me once that he had imagined me like i had (balls and penis) aka i was a hermafrodite. I saw a lot of things that was really strange on him, he had no personal thoughts. he kept telling me he liked my class girls. We started to argue all the time, he become angry and mad at me, and he didn't walk to me for 2-3 days. But the worst moment was when he told me he liked my cousin, because she was blonde and had blue eyes.I couldn't stand such a statement, so we broke up for the first time (after 5 month relationship) and it all ended with me saying: you must be mental sick. Than he realized he did everything wrong and said he was sorry and that he loved only me. but i couldn't trust him. he also said he had histrionic personality disorder, he was not diagnosed by a psychiatrist, but his father (a literature professor) had found his sympoms on internet.
Three months later, his mother came to see me. She told her son (my ex) was feeling horrible without me, and wanted a second chance. She told that he was not mental ill, but had just a few psychological problems. She said that like a medical student i was i should meet him, and give him a chance. I gave him the chance. I meet him. He seemed he had changed. He had became his real inner self. He could understand all the mistakes he had done in the past and how much he had hurt me. But soon, the problems re-started. He kept doing strange things, 2 weeks he was listening only metal music than he totally shifted to hiphop, then totally shifted to psychedelic, etc. He kept telling he liked my friend. He watched pornographic videos on his pc, and kept them also on his phone. He was registered on adult sites,and sex sites. also he had a bad habit on binge eating, he woke up 2am and started to eat like mad. Also he eat large amount of meals, without gaining weight( in the past he had suffer bulimia). Sometimes he heard voices ( auditive hallucinations) like they were telling he was gay. We kept arguing and fighting all the time, but when i said i wanted to break up, he always said he loved me and was afraid to lose me ( he had fear of abbandonement). Then he started to use antidepressants and anxiolitics prescribed by a health care provider. He used them for six months and then stopped. They helped him to feel in a better mood. But things got worse again. And he started to show traits of borderline personality disorder.
Sorry, I am talking to long, i know i became boring, but a month ago things become intolerable, he started to talk to younger girls on the university, added them as friend on facebook and showed interes for them, kept his bad habit on binge eating. He didn't go on two subjects at university and couldn't enter on the exam. He was telling me he had nothing in common with me, why was i staying with him,etc. So i broke up. He came 5 days latter in my house with his parents, and wanted to be with me again. But i can't stay with him. he makes me feel miserable. He doesn't have real feelings for me, i know. He only wants me to fill his emptiness.
It has passed a month after the break up and i'm starting to feel a little guilty, because i really loved him, and i wanted to help him, and i've helped him a lot. I know he still needs help, but i'll become myself mental sick if i stay with him. So i want to know your opinion in all this, and to help me not to feel guilty for breaking up with him, because it's not my fault that he is borderline. I really wanted to help him, but he always kept pushing me away and it was always like "I hate you, don't leave me".
Sorry i took too long, and also sorry for my english, i'm not american, i'm from europe.