((((Rose)))),

I can relate to why you would be upset and even a bit angry. What you don't realize is that often times when a couple want to have a child, they are first time parents and what they want is a (baby). Women are designed to WANT A BABY when they are at an age where it is right to start a family.

Now, if a woman has had time to raise a child and gain experience of the different stages of nurturing a baby to a child and that they CAN do that successfully, they are more apt to be open to adopting a child verses an infant.

In your own experience you were exposed to caring for children that were your SO's children and you did well with them and even got attached to them. So you already know that CAN happen and CAN be rewarding. And you CAN actually see yourself adopting an older child. But remember, the children that YOU were exposed to also already had a loving father that they bonded to. A child that is older may not have that and some children never learn HOW to bond and can be more of a challenge to raise verses an infant who can still learn to bond. So there is also a lot more risk involved with adopting an older child, there really is.

Now I have been around foster children and some of them are very lovable and appreciative, but it all depends on what they have in their background. I have met people who want to adopt the foster children they take in because they have found these particular children very accepting, loving and, well, they end up getting very attached to them. However that is NOT always the case, some children can be unresponsive and heartbreaking because they do not respond to even the most caring kind guidance and love.

It really takes knowledge to raise an older child that can be more easily adopted. So for a couple like you are discribing, their choice may be a wiser choice for them as well as for the child they adopt.

I don't know the people you are talking about here, but hopefully they are not just doing the adoption this way because it is THE THING TO DO THAT IS "DESIGNER" and a must have.

Also remember that your mother did not bond with you, she just wasn't that type, not your fault. So you KNOW what it feels like to MISS something but BE WORTHY and deserving and you really feel that ALL children deserve to have that hole filled no matter what age they are. You have had enough love from your father that you do know it is appreciated.

Try to keep an open mind and remember that when you are upset, it doesn't mean you are lacking or don't deserve to be upset. But you have to have a more open mind. Remember,a part of you is still feeling denied.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes