Soup - my heart goes out to you. Death/loss/grief is hard ..... and it seems like you are feeling some of these things in relation to your T relationship to? Or maybe it's sort of a projection of those feelings into that relationship? Just a couple thoughts that came to me......
I'm glad you are managing well; but even so, it's OK to need/have support to help you keep doing so right now, support here, in RL, even professional support. You are strong, I believe you are, but no matter how strong people are, they do still need each other, because no one is perfectly strong alone, always.... it's good to know we can handle things on our own when we need to and good to know we have help, too.
With all the big feelings/circumstances going on, it just seems like this wouldn't be an ideal time to make decisions about big things, including ending therapy, too.