Today was my 4th appt. I couldn't sleep last night. I gave myself a peptalk all the way to my appt. I told myself you can do this.. I listened to great music... I got five mins away... I bit all of my nails, I started to panic, and by the time I was sitting in front of her I was shaking...
She noticed right away and said you look very guarded today, why? I told her I'm fine.... I checked out.... The only thing I remembering her saying today after that is "Do you realize how emotionally shut down you are? You show absolutely no emotion. You are the first patient I have ever had that was this shut down to everyone. Talk to me..." I told her she scares the crap out of me. She asked why and I told her because I am afraid if I remember more than what I do now, it will be what I don't want to know..."

I am so over this.. I am TERRIFIED to talk!

My husband doesn't know... Poor guy just gave me a lecture last night that I need to talk to him. How do you talk to someone who doesn't know and you don't want to know right now... I am finding myself getting irritated at the smallest thing... My 3 year old has to say mom look at me to get my attention because I am constantly thinking...

Someone please offer something...