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Originally Posted by Perna
I would not get upset at someone else's parents giving their child a birthday card on their child's birthday. It is not about you.
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Perna I get what you are saying but if others read that I am upset that they gave him a card-some re-reading needs to be done.
I know I mentioned in my post:
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I will be honest, yeah just by it self the card would had gotten to me a little, but It would had waited till we got home that I would mention anything to my S/O
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But that is due to to I do know myself well enough that even with the card I would had wondered what the hidden message would had been- but It Would Not have gotten me so upset and it would had waited till I got home with my S/O. It is the actions here that were done, that got me so upset.
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Too, that your SO used you as an "reason" not to be given a card like that is bad behavior on his part; he gets to send/receive any kind of card he wants for his own reasons; no one was giving you a card so what you like/do not like has nothing to do with anything. That they made a joke of "don't show beauflow", especially after your SO gave them the gratuitous, personal information about your likes and dislikes (instead of his own) is very rude but, fortunately, they are not your parents so you do not have to deal with them, they're your SO's problem all the way.
I would shrug and realize I don't like these people very much, don't ever want to hang out with them when I don't have to.
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Agreed-yes my S/O used me as an excuse after he said no himself- As well as gave them information on a dislike on me and they ended up using it in some what sort of a way against me/making a joke of it all or just lack of caring of my feelings anyways.
I talked again to my S/O this morning for this stuff is still bothersome to me- I told him to not use me as excuses of what he wants and do not want. I also asked that he please not give out my dislikes and likes on such personal things to them as well- (Perna you make good points with that and I agree; and I am trying to take steps to get that out there with my S/O).. I explained again on how I felt with it all and what it shows to me. Saturday all this was mentioned as well when we had our fight-As well as that his Parents did not know in ways that he too was hurt by the card due to he said he did not want it, along with the excuse with me, and they still did it with worse things to add- I doubt he will ever tell him on how he felt- I told him if he can't be honest with them of this sort of stuff or if they "look down on him for it" that is not right.
Last night I did thank him with being honest with me- this by showing me the card even though they were making a big deal and he could see I was already upset even before seeing the card.
SO- Maybe others will disagree with this but!
This evening I decided to text his parents to clear up on the why I am upset- I know a text is impersonal but the lack of communication with problems I have observed over the years with them and others; I just felt as if I needed to.
I.e Their Oldest Son and his wife there are problems all over the place but lack of communication with what they are have made it worse on both sides... I don't want that as well as I don't want my S/O to stop seeing his parents due to they and me have a conflict- I have always said- No One should be in my boat of not talking to their parents unless it is for true reasons to oneself.....Again back to not to use me as an excuse.
His mom has texted back with just nice things to say- It is sort of expected with her- which is all well and good. she texted me that they understand if I just want time alone due to this- so hopefully that is a good sign.
I feel better with getting it out there- I told my S/o I was going to text them and he did not like that idea but right now I really don't care- I told him the reason why was going to, was due to again lack of communication. I used the example that was not too long ago of what he has said to his parents, for his brother issues, and that did not come across to what his brother's issues really are, or they misunderstand my S/O when they talked- I don't need that right now- so I will just get it across.
BTW it was not mean- It was truthful in the sense of what my issues were with what happened- on my side of how I felt.
I hate conflict- i hate being triggered- i hate things like this.
I get to a point of thinking I am wrong to have emotions- which I know this probably goes all to my "PTSD" from childhood.
It is hard to communicate but I try my best with it.