Thank you for going into more explanation on the things your wife had to say about her side of the issues.

It does sound like you had some very valid reasons for keeping her out of the financial end of the marriage......I am sure I would have reacted the same way......as a matter of fact.....I sort of did with my husband after we separated.....& I felt he was completely incompetent of handling anything....I took over everything from 2100 miles away.....so I can understand since your wife messed up the finances that bad, it was best to keep her out of & off of everything with her bad credit reputation.

I agree with Shez about not giving your kids everything & thinking they will appreciate it rather than blowing if all off & going their own way.....seems the more kids are given the less they appreciate....not always....but so many cases that's how it goes. I know my parents had no money.....I had to pay for my own college...went to junior college first before transferring to the local state college so I could live at home & just commute rather than being able to live on my own. Home wasn't good, but I rather put the time in on my good GPA so I could graduate with higher GPA than waste money. Think that giving your kids all the name brand everything so that they look richer than they really are isn't necessarily a good way to teach strong values.....just my personal opinion from examples I have seen.

I can understand wanting your house to be clean & neat....I always wanted my house to look like a model home....but with 2 engineering career incomes, it was easier being able to hire a house keeper.....but I know when I lost my career & my husband started taking my being home for granted & just throwing his things down & expecting me to pick up after him.....I quit doing everything & let the house go to hell because I was angry at the way I was being treated.

I know that like I did with my reaction to the way I was being treated can sometimes get into a down hill pattern where it ends up tearing the relationship farther apart than doing any good. Treating your wife like a child for the way she interfaces with your kids may just be one of those poor choices of how we treat our spouce because of a very negative feeling we have toward their actions.....doesn't change the action, but makes the situation worse. Life can be difficult that way because we feel, we acct without thinking of the consequenses or how we may fine a better way to react that could actually get the changed results we really wanted rather than just reacting.

Sounds like some of the things at the start of your marriage on your wife's part & your own part were made up of poor choices......wondering if you both ever processed through those, of the walls driving your marriage apart started being built at that time on both sides.

I can honestly say from my own experience & the experiences of others I have talked to in my life.....that when there are bad feelings between husband & wife.....it ends the sexual feelings especially on the wife's part.....when we feel no feelings of love.....we are not willing to just have sex....because it makes for the feeling of being a prostitute....whether being paid of not....but not wanting to have sex without the feeling of love between the 2 people....is the way the wife expresses that there is a serious problem in the marriage that either needs to seriously be resolved of "it's over". I know when I realized that my marriage was over in my mind....that was the end of any relations I had with my husband also even though we ended up having to live in the same house for over 10 years that way.

This may be a crazy idea.....but it might be good to print out all that you have written on this thread & take it to your marriage counsellor......it definitely holds a lot of information on the issues in your marriage from both sides & is a good source of all that your marriage counselor needs to help you work through......something they can read & maybe figure out how to go step by step to help repair it.

Like I said.....both sides have a serious responsibility in the failure of a marriage......I will even agree to that in my case & not blame my husband completely without some responsibility of my own. I am sure your drinking has done some major damage for the last 8 years.....but I'm sure her financial irresponsibility that hasn't been fixed has done as much to damage the marriage also.....because you haven't been able to have a real marriage where the both of you are the responsible ones for your house payments or your bank accounts even though you've been the working person along with wife's part time job.....not being able to work together on finances & working together on goals.....definitely takes away a major part of the marriage team work that bonds the marriage together.

I did have to chuckle about your comment on how large her family is & how small yours is & it's hard to deal with......that's exactly how I felt being an only child with absolutely no family because both my parents were only children & my grandparents only had a brother each. When I went to my husband's family home with 4 kids all talking to me at the same time.....I almost went crazy....head spinning & had to just get out of there as soon as possible.....definitely understand your explanation of your experience with such a huge family get together

It sounds like you both have so many equally responsible issues coming into this problem time of your marriage that a marriage counselor would do you the best.....also, you might for fun just want to watch the movie Fireproof......& look at "The Love Dare" which comes out of the movie as a way to work on a failing marriage.....If you truly have a desire to make it work....that might be a wonderful place to start along with your marriage counseling.

I think also, I would stop the drinking all together. Know that you might slowly come off of it so that you don't have problems.....but I think that being able to think clearly & not having any alcohol impairing your thought process would be a good idea at this point....also won't give anyone an excuse to say there's a problem.

It takes both husband & wife to want the marriage to work....but maybe if you really show your wife that you are able to be the husband that you haven't been while hiding in your whiskey for those 8 years.....everything else might just being able to start turning around also.....sometimes one has to take the first step.....then everything else can start to move.

Wishing you all good this this....know I can be tough at times.....think there are definitely issues in those areas that need to be worked on. Remember, successful marriages are partnerships that work together not against each other on both the husband's & wife's part & when we both make judgment mistakes....it pries the marriage apart even wider.