(((Suzzie)))),

I can understand the withdrawl and desire to think too. But you have to be careful in doing that because you are depending on yourself to provide the answers/solutions.
When someone suffers from a trama or childhood abuse, it is very hard for them to step outside that picture/experience and often what can happen is they can remain trapped and even want to give up.

By going to a therapist and even talking here you can have someone else see your picture and help you learn to talk about it more and more which opens the door to slowly stepping outside of it so you can find a resolve. We cannot change what happened to us, but we CAN talk about it and how it effected us emotionally. When we do that with a therapist we can have an opportunity to express our emotions and hurt. When we get to express that and get validated, we then can begin to truely see that there were things we could not help, but we can learn from it and build ways to move on inspite of what happened.

I have been doing that myself suzzie and I know it isn't easy either. But I have been improving slowly. I could not have done it on my own really either. It would have just been too hard for me to step outside the hurt and confusion I was feeling.

So give yourself a chance to open up, talk, feel, learn, morn, and repair so you can finally actually move forward. You really do deserve that.

(((Hugs))))

Open Eyes