I was so stressed at my job, and felt so lonely living in another country until I found some hope, some light that made things ok. But recently she is leaving soon. I still need to go to work everyday, which I really don't like, and wear this facade that I'm ok but now I need to fight back tears almost constantly. I think a work colleague noticed because she said these past few days I look upset.
This city is nothing to me now but bricks and concrete, it is the people who make a place. I so want to tell someone all my problems but I'm so far from my family and friends back home.
So now I can't think clearly, which will begin to affect work. I become overwhelmed sometimes and my heart starts pounding, I feel panicky. When she leaves I will feel so lonely...I cry in private. I can only describe this and a host of other problems I won't bore people with as eating me until I feel empty, lost. Even walking these few days is hard because my legs feel so heavy. I have an important task happening next week, so much stress.
I don't know what the best thing to do is...if I am in the apartment on my own I just feel worse. Tomorrow I may just head to the bar after work. I feel completely disconnected from the surroundings now, I am walking in a dream. It is a lonely existence...I just want some happiness, obstacles after a while become exhausting