Ok, I am new here. I posted my introduction and kind of a "background story" (of course there's always more) to the New Member Introduction board. I received a warm welcome but I was also told that I might get some friendly help in this board too. So hi, everyone!

Anyhow, my biggest concern here is that my wife, my mom, other family members and friends, and pretty much myself are convinced that I suffer from bipolar disorder. I am not scared of it or ashamed of it at all - I'd rather have a definitive diagnosis and get the proper medication and treatment so I can stop these mood swings, this pain and torture, and get some sort of balance in my life so I can get a least a little sense of normalcy.

My major problem right now is I don't have any health insurance so I have to go to the county mental health center where I only get to see a doctor about every two and a half months, and there's no guarantee that I will get to see the same doctor, and I don't think they actually listen. I do go to a therapist there once a week and have explained that I believe (among the others I've mentioned) that I suffer from bipolar, and he asked why, but he explained there's no way I could because I've never cheated on my wife by having a binges of unprotected sex with as many partners as possible during times what I call my "on top of the world" times (although, and I hate to be very personal here and please let me know if I am crossing the line here, my wife can attest that when I do get into my "on top of the world phases" my sex drive increases exponentially - I just can't bring myself to cheat).

So my request for advice is, how do I get this guy to just wake up and see that I have these issues? I have weeks where I can't do anything at all, where I'm just going through the motions. The past week and a half I couldn't even get out of bed except to go to therapy or to church on Sunday (I didn't even go to church this past Sunday, and that's a very big deal to me). But starting yesterday I'm back on top of the world and everything is going to work out again. I'm cracking jokes with people, I want to go out and socialize, I'm chatting on Facebook, I'm having to restrain myself from shopping for stuff I don't need, my mind is racing a mile a minute, etc.

I am on Topamax, and it was working wonders when I first started taking it, but I'm only on 100mg at night and I feel like my body has gotten used to it. The last doctor wouldn't increase it (unlike the last doctor who said I should get it increased after a couple of months because my body WOULD get used to it). Instead he added Celexa which made me suicidal. I can't see a doctor there again until the end of July. They are supposed to have walk in clinics for the first 6 people that show up on Tuesdays and Fridays, but they have canceled every single one that I have been to in the past few months. So I don't know what to do. Do I just increase my own dosage? I can't afford a different doctor, but I can't keep living like this.

I'm at wits end. I know the simple answer is to get a different therapist and a different doctor. But I can't afford one. So what can I say to the ones I have. I am horrible at communicating with people because I get very anxious, but maybe if I can have something to say to them I would be better prepared. I have a therapist appointment tomorrow at 11am.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Thanks!