Hugs to you!
You are so NOT alone in your feelings. Do the same things all time....
Faking happiness is something we have done for so many years. It's pretty much second nature to say "Fine" or "Ok" when asked how we are doing....and then followed by a smile and asking how the other is doing....coming to think that a lot of others do the same thing.
Take care and hope this helps a little bit.
Hugs,
Jen