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Originally Posted by Hellion
I've kind of been having a hard time with the sort of symptoms others could notice, like being all jumpy and on edge and having a ridiculous startle response, or unsteadiness, which results in me looking nervous and easily dropping things and that sort of thing.
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... I deal with that too, but I just thought I'm a freaking idiot so I'm stupid and clumsy. Never thought PTSD could be involved.
Either way. I get it though, it is very annoying not be able to control something as simple as your hands or legs being restless, dropping everything sort of thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellion
I mean it sucks to have that in general, but for me the worst is I can't hide those symptoms at will and its hard to deal with being around people when it happens because it makes me feel vulnerable and rather humilated.
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I feel like you're reading my mind.
Specially the part that says "it makes me feel vulnerable and rather humilated" it does make me feel less, and the few ones in my life that know about my PTSD do accentuate this as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellion
Also the harder I try to control it, the more apparent it all seems to become. Then there is whole feeling of not wanting to seem 'weak' when there's people about that might very well ridicule me or worse. I am probably also too hard on myself because I just want to be able to stop it...but I can't and then at times I feel ashamed to go anywhere because of it.
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People have ridiculed the situation in my case, I was innocent to believe at least my family would be sensitive about it but I guess not. Let alone doctors (others besides psychiatrist and psychologist)
I cannot express how much it aggravates me to have to speak up about anything of it with anyone. At this point I guess I just go into shock when trying to speak, because all I can do is cry and I get sick almost instantly: I recently had to go into physical therapy due to acute stress causing migraines, and the PT kept asking about old injuries, I just can't really say anything anymore.
It's been 3 years with my doctor and I have yet to open up about things such as sexual abuse and physical abuse. Even psychological abuse has been harder than I thought to talk about.
Personally, these things make me feel absolutely useless.
How do any of you fight that?