I have been attracted to girls since I was 10 years old, and would fantasize about them, and still do from time to time, until I have had this complete and utter aversion to sexual things recently; which is an entirely different story. I got out of a 3-year relationship a couple of months ago, and in the last 4 months or so there was severe strife over me refusing to get intimate.

I still am attracted to boys as well, but the thing is, I could never admit I am bisexual to anyone, and would be scared to ever get into a relationship with another female. In fact, I don't even really admit to myself that I'm bisexual. It's like my mind would just rather not process it, so I don't think about it that often until feelings show up. I wouldn't ever know what to do or how to even function. Not to mention I am a Christian. I am Methodist, so our church gladly accepts gays and stuff, but I still can't describe the shame I feel! And especially the extreme sense of guilt I would feel if I ever were to get into a relationship with a female.

A week or two ago, I met these two girls at a convention and they had some of the same exact interests as me! It was so cool, i've never met anyone with the same interests! I have severe social anxiety disorder, and was able to open up to them quite a bit, which is saying something. They were both transgender, and it turns out, I felt somewhat smitten towards one of them in particular. Not really sexually too much, just in a lovey sort of way. She (He) had a boyfriend though, so obviously that was just a silly thing in my head anyways. What made matters worse??

I found out she was 13 going on 14. I am 17 going on 18. Both of them looked my age, but obviously looks can be deceiving. So now not only do I feel like a weirdo (no I do not think gays or bisexuals are weird, and have had many friends who are, but I just find it weird for me.), but also a pedophile. Ughhhh!

I can't even believe I'm admitting this here, but I figured I might as well get these feelings out there....never talked to anyone anywhere about this, so. Yeah. Sigh.