I'm sorry for the sad way you feel. I am childless, too. I don't think we ever outlive the wondering of what it might have been like. I know a few childless women who are having lives that seem to have their share of joy. Like you, I struggle with depression. I wonder how having a child might have affected me and maybe changed my emotional life. Then, again, I know women with children who are very unhappy. Children can bring great struggle into one's life.

Shadow, I think you and I need to love and be loved. I think that, when we have that, we have what matters most. I'm sorry if you really desired a child and were unable to fulfill that want. You don't have to move on. I think it is okay for you to always have that place of unfulfilled yearning in your heart. Also, I think it is okay for you to express that you have that, and that it brings you sadness. Mainly, I hope you find somewhere to experience warmth. I hope I find it, too. Sometimes I've been there, and sometimes I've been away - and it hurts when you are away from the warmth you need.