I am so disturbed by the memories of hospitalizations coming up. It is scary. I dont need this I am doing so well right now. It sucks to get well then be reminded of how sick you can be. Memories...blah!! I dont know how to handle this I cant sleep because of the memories and i dont want them in my sleep too. The last hospitalization I was in court on my bday because I didnt want and was completely refusing treatment so my mom filled out the petition papers to have me committed? I am pissed about that still. Ok ok enough im getting more worked up writing this. Im a big baby.