Petunia.

I hate letting people get too close to me because of that reason. In fact there was one person I met in a real time support group who needed a babysitter because her family needed more money to make ends meet. her husband was in the military. I have had my share of military friends leaving me because they got stationed in other states and then went over seas and because they're life went in other directions because of the military we would lose contact for months at a time. So When this new friend asked if I do daycare I told her flat out yes but don't expect her and I to become friends because I have had enough of military friends leaving. I understood its a job but it sucks because I was the one left picking up the pieces and I wasnt going to do that again. She said ok and drove me on base so I could meet her two children. Needless to say first the children made their way into my heart and then she did and we became insepratable. To the point shere when I had my child she was in the labor room with me, and I appointed her the guardian of my child if my terminal desease took me before he was an adult. That friendship lasted 7 years. That friendship ended the first time when she chose drugs and alcohol over the welfare and welbeing of my child and hers. a few years later I started contact again because I found out her perpetrator was being moved out of normal prison to a private prison hospital. We both wanted to try and salvage the friendship at least thats what she said and I gave her the benefit of the doubt and tried to build the friendship back together. a year went by and I found out she was under servalance for drug trafficing the official person who told me this advised me to cut off contact because she knew I had a DHS case and when they brought her down they didn't want me accidentally being caught in the middle of something I had no part of. So I had to cut off contact with her.

She is on one road and I am on the other and there is no middle ground anymore for either one of us to stand on. So I have no choice but to leave her behind and continue on my road that is best for me.

But you what? If I had remained the ice queen against making friends with military people I would have missed out of 7 years of the greatest friendship I have ever had with a military friend. I have alot of freinds and I can tell you that that strong of a bond does not come very often. I think I have about 5 friends that I have that strong a bond with out of many friends that I have.

People leave for lots of reasons - different lifestyles, relocating and so on and in life all we really can do is enjoy the time we have with each one and take it as far as that friendship will go and when the time comes where one or both need to go take new roads I know that I will always carry a part of that person with me forever. Because I took the chance to build that friendship I know that I will never truely be alone and I dont always lose them. in fact my memory piece known as Darlene is in part my memories of another friend Darlene the person. The memorys of the people I meet are somewhere locked up in this brain of mine. it just takes time to find them. The person Darlene lives many states away from me and the type of business she is in we don't get much time with talking together except an occasional email. But just because she isn't in my life 100% of the time does not mean she is gone. She is just across country and when she is busy helping to put her business back together from Katrina I have my memorys of her to hold on to and keep me going.

I used to belive I was at fault for why we lost contact many many years ago but when I found her she explained why she had to leave and that what I had believed for so many years had nothing to do with what an abuser made me believe.

when people leave its not always because it is our fault. so hang in there.